Beck called today and said that she was at her vet's office,and there were some kittens there that I needed to see.
She came and picked me up, and when I saw them, it was all over. There was a little guy about 8 inches long, (10 weeks) with a lovely cream colored body, black face, ears, and paws. Blue eyes, of course. He's a perfect little Siamese!
I had hoped that the perfect kitten would just appear in my life, and this one did. He's adorable. Lucy doesn't much care about him, she's sniffed and that's about it. She's more concerned with her own beagly thunder phobia today, as it has thundered non-stop since like 5 am. I woke to a shivering little beagle pressed up against me, and she's followed me everywhere since then. It is practically dark outside right now at 7 pm, and it's raining hard.
Emily, on the other hand, is extremely worried about this new addition. She wants to lick it and nibble it. He tolerates that for a couple of moments then bats at her. She's pretty persistent, though, and I don't want her chasing him back under the couch, so I am carrying him with me in my shoulder bag that is meant for a camera. It's a fabric bag measuring about 8 inches by 6 inches, and he fits perfectly. He seems rather content. He's sleeping in there now.
So, I need name ideas. He's a boy, and I generally prefer human names, but I am up for anything. I have been thinking Henry? Andy suggests "Frank" (old blue eyes), which I kind of like, too. Becky suggested "Pancreas", but I don't want to traumatize him with a name like that.
Anyone have any good ideas?
Also, how to get Emily to calm the f** down and quit trying to chase and nibble him? Hopefully when he's more adjusted he'll scratch her and take care of that.
Input, people???
. . . . Random thoughts about nothing in particular, executed with alternating fits of bitchiness and/or sentimentality.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
The Laziest Blogger in town...
I have been so lazy about updating lately, that I sit here at the computer sometimes and check my own blog to see if I've updated. I haven't. Sorry. I resolve here and now to be better about this. I've been somewhat reclusive, a little up and down healthwise (although not at all in a serious way), and have suffered some writers block about what to put up here. I was feeling that I was tired of talking about my illness and all of this crap.
Anyhoo, I am over that feeling now, so here I go again. I had a good follow up on Monday, everything is healing well and I am doing great. I got my staples out, so feel free to discuss chickens, poop, monkeys, boogers, whatever. I'm okay.
I went to an AA meeting today that was hilarious. I mean, parts of it were serious, of course, but the lighthearted parts are what really put me at ease right now. One guy today said: "Well, I used to sit at home and drink by myself. Just me and my dogs. I'd talk to them. I guess my dogs are some of the people I need to make amends to."
I shared with the group that one of my fears is that I won't be as tolerant or nice when I am sober... in other words, people will realize that I am really a bitch. Then I realized that 2 of my oldest friends, both past drinking buddies were also in the room, and either one of them could easily have spoken up to note that they already knew I was a bitch, even when I was drinking.
But anyway, the issue is big when it comes to going out, or being around people who are annoying, drunk or not. I just don't have much tolerance for repeated stories, stupid jokes, insensitive comments, unsolicited advice, and staying put for longer than I want to in any given situation. I know that having a nice buzz helped me to relax and tolerate that much more than I used to. A woman today talked about being at a party of many friends who were sober, and still feeling like she wanted to kill everyone in the room... it all came down to the fact that she had the option to leave at any point, and just didn't take it.
Anyway.
For the record, here's the real story...
In 2001, I had acute pancreatitis that they immediately identified, but as the organ shut down, they provided supportive measures and waited, in 2 or 3 weeks it started working again, with no sign of having digested itself or any other long term damage. I was warned about the worst cases of pancreatitis, and that it might be impossible to tell exactly what caused it... was it alcohol alone? Was it my high triglycerides? was it a combination? We do know that it wasn't the gallbladder. Those are the big 3 causes. If one has pancreatitis and is able to correct or remove whatever was causing it, there's a good chance it won't return.
I never did get my triglycerides under control, and I did continue to drink, although I cut out the rum and cokes and stuck mainly to Chardonnay with an occasional tequila shot, and if I was at a bar that had no wine, I would drink vodka/soda. I was trying to cut down on the sugar, you see. Smart thinking. I continued to gain weight and only sporadically took my Lipitor to keep my cholesterol/triglycerides under control. I had a "small" case of pancreatitis last spring (only one week in the hospital).
How much/often was I drinking? Well, that varied. 2-3-4 evenings a week? Obviously I must have tended to spend more time in bars in the winter, as my pancreatitis always flared in the spring. This past year, when Fester and I broke up, I found lots of good supportive friends. Unfortunately, that meant meeting up with these friends on different nights of the week, so from January on I was our 5-6 night a week. 5-6 glasses of wine? more? I don't know... that varied, too. Usually I maintained quite well, but sometimes I would just fall down. Oops!
My job kept me in a routine, and I have always loved it, so I had no problem with maintaining a dedication there. Although I can't help but think that dedication will take on a more organized and efficient look now that I am operating on all cylinders. My friends remained supportive, but some expressed concern over the drinking, while others got drunker and I had to keep away from them because they were dangerous to me. My dogs? I think they probably wish we walked more, and I will work on that. My finances? I definitely dropped my basket on that one, and had to be rescued before I lost my house. Still working on those amends.
This most recent visit from the pancreas fairy was obviously the BIG one. The pancreas shut down, as did the kidneys, I went into shock, I was on oxygen, my blood pressure dropped to 50 something over 30 something, and the pancreatic digestive juices started taking over and ate up the poor little pancreas until only 25% of it was left. (the head... whatever that means). I have full blown diabetes and have to test my blood sugar now, inject insulin, and watch my diet. I have no appetite and I am dropping weight like crazy, which is not a totally bad thing for the moment. I still have an abdominal drain which is annoying and is ruining my options for heading to the swimming pool this summer. I spent 4 days in LMH ICU, 4 days in a regular room at LMH, 12 or so days at home recovering and feeling terrible (compared to now), and then had major surgery to take out the dead pancreatic tissue and excess fluid (more than 6 liters that day). The surgery took over 4 hours, and I was released from KU MED ICU 5 days later, then went home from KU Med 4 days after that
One of the nurses at KU once assured another nurse while they were taking my vitals "She's not an alcoholic, her body just can't tolerate alcohol. It's not like she was a morning drinker or something." This makes me laugh to think about. No, I wasn't sitting in the alley or under the bridge with my brown bag of wild turkey. I didn't add vodka to my morning smoothie. I didn't count the hours until I could leave work and get to the bar (well, some days, maybe.) I didn't lose jobs, or get a DUI, or get arrested. She was right, my body can't tolerate alcohol, but I am finally tired of the pull , and ready to figure out how to get more out of my life, rather than just putting away the bottle (or box) o'wine and "living with out it".
I'm finding lots of good books that are funny and smart and right on about living a different type of life, and as I sat in the AA meeting today, with 2 of my oldest friends also there in the room, all of us at different places in our lives, I just felt grateful that this time I am not only happy to quit drinking, but even more eager to learn more about living sober.
Anyhoo, I am over that feeling now, so here I go again. I had a good follow up on Monday, everything is healing well and I am doing great. I got my staples out, so feel free to discuss chickens, poop, monkeys, boogers, whatever. I'm okay.
I went to an AA meeting today that was hilarious. I mean, parts of it were serious, of course, but the lighthearted parts are what really put me at ease right now. One guy today said: "Well, I used to sit at home and drink by myself. Just me and my dogs. I'd talk to them. I guess my dogs are some of the people I need to make amends to."
I shared with the group that one of my fears is that I won't be as tolerant or nice when I am sober... in other words, people will realize that I am really a bitch. Then I realized that 2 of my oldest friends, both past drinking buddies were also in the room, and either one of them could easily have spoken up to note that they already knew I was a bitch, even when I was drinking.
But anyway, the issue is big when it comes to going out, or being around people who are annoying, drunk or not. I just don't have much tolerance for repeated stories, stupid jokes, insensitive comments, unsolicited advice, and staying put for longer than I want to in any given situation. I know that having a nice buzz helped me to relax and tolerate that much more than I used to. A woman today talked about being at a party of many friends who were sober, and still feeling like she wanted to kill everyone in the room... it all came down to the fact that she had the option to leave at any point, and just didn't take it.
Anyway.
For the record, here's the real story...
In 2001, I had acute pancreatitis that they immediately identified, but as the organ shut down, they provided supportive measures and waited, in 2 or 3 weeks it started working again, with no sign of having digested itself or any other long term damage. I was warned about the worst cases of pancreatitis, and that it might be impossible to tell exactly what caused it... was it alcohol alone? Was it my high triglycerides? was it a combination? We do know that it wasn't the gallbladder. Those are the big 3 causes. If one has pancreatitis and is able to correct or remove whatever was causing it, there's a good chance it won't return.
I never did get my triglycerides under control, and I did continue to drink, although I cut out the rum and cokes and stuck mainly to Chardonnay with an occasional tequila shot, and if I was at a bar that had no wine, I would drink vodka/soda. I was trying to cut down on the sugar, you see. Smart thinking. I continued to gain weight and only sporadically took my Lipitor to keep my cholesterol/triglycerides under control. I had a "small" case of pancreatitis last spring (only one week in the hospital).
How much/often was I drinking? Well, that varied. 2-3-4 evenings a week? Obviously I must have tended to spend more time in bars in the winter, as my pancreatitis always flared in the spring. This past year, when Fester and I broke up, I found lots of good supportive friends. Unfortunately, that meant meeting up with these friends on different nights of the week, so from January on I was our 5-6 night a week. 5-6 glasses of wine? more? I don't know... that varied, too. Usually I maintained quite well, but sometimes I would just fall down. Oops!
My job kept me in a routine, and I have always loved it, so I had no problem with maintaining a dedication there. Although I can't help but think that dedication will take on a more organized and efficient look now that I am operating on all cylinders. My friends remained supportive, but some expressed concern over the drinking, while others got drunker and I had to keep away from them because they were dangerous to me. My dogs? I think they probably wish we walked more, and I will work on that. My finances? I definitely dropped my basket on that one, and had to be rescued before I lost my house. Still working on those amends.
This most recent visit from the pancreas fairy was obviously the BIG one. The pancreas shut down, as did the kidneys, I went into shock, I was on oxygen, my blood pressure dropped to 50 something over 30 something, and the pancreatic digestive juices started taking over and ate up the poor little pancreas until only 25% of it was left. (the head... whatever that means). I have full blown diabetes and have to test my blood sugar now, inject insulin, and watch my diet. I have no appetite and I am dropping weight like crazy, which is not a totally bad thing for the moment. I still have an abdominal drain which is annoying and is ruining my options for heading to the swimming pool this summer. I spent 4 days in LMH ICU, 4 days in a regular room at LMH, 12 or so days at home recovering and feeling terrible (compared to now), and then had major surgery to take out the dead pancreatic tissue and excess fluid (more than 6 liters that day). The surgery took over 4 hours, and I was released from KU MED ICU 5 days later, then went home from KU Med 4 days after that
One of the nurses at KU once assured another nurse while they were taking my vitals "She's not an alcoholic, her body just can't tolerate alcohol. It's not like she was a morning drinker or something." This makes me laugh to think about. No, I wasn't sitting in the alley or under the bridge with my brown bag of wild turkey. I didn't add vodka to my morning smoothie. I didn't count the hours until I could leave work and get to the bar (well, some days, maybe.) I didn't lose jobs, or get a DUI, or get arrested. She was right, my body can't tolerate alcohol, but I am finally tired of the pull , and ready to figure out how to get more out of my life, rather than just putting away the bottle (or box) o'wine and "living with out it".
I'm finding lots of good books that are funny and smart and right on about living a different type of life, and as I sat in the AA meeting today, with 2 of my oldest friends also there in the room, all of us at different places in our lives, I just felt grateful that this time I am not only happy to quit drinking, but even more eager to learn more about living sober.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I watch a LOT of television now.
Oh, I think tinges of boredom are setting in. I am watching wayyyy too much television. I am going to the office tomorrow, although it is on restriction. My boss promised she'd pick me up and take me there, but only for one hour. Long enough to gather some stuff to work on here at home.
Two friends stopped over this evening to chat on the porch. We got to talking about names, and how it seems that each generation gravitates toward the same names. We decided that since our favorite names were already too popular, we just won't be having children. My dogs, for instance, have very popular names... Emily and Lucy. Then we got to talking about people making fun of names in gradeschool. One friend, who I won't name, mentioned that she went from being called "No Tidia" to "Big Tidia". I told her that I was going to just call her "Tidia" from now on, and she waved her cigarette at me and said "Fine, I'll just call you... uhhh... "No Pancreas"!
hey now, I have a third of a pancreas, I think.
The other friend came back over later and we actually sat and watched "I want to be a Hilton". It was fabulous. I finished off my evening with a little "The O.C." and some "Daily Show". Damn I love Jon Stewart. Hey Jon, my doctor's orders say I can resume sexual activity in 3 weeks!
Two friends stopped over this evening to chat on the porch. We got to talking about names, and how it seems that each generation gravitates toward the same names. We decided that since our favorite names were already too popular, we just won't be having children. My dogs, for instance, have very popular names... Emily and Lucy. Then we got to talking about people making fun of names in gradeschool. One friend, who I won't name, mentioned that she went from being called "No Tidia" to "Big Tidia". I told her that I was going to just call her "Tidia" from now on, and she waved her cigarette at me and said "Fine, I'll just call you... uhhh... "No Pancreas"!
hey now, I have a third of a pancreas, I think.
The other friend came back over later and we actually sat and watched "I want to be a Hilton". It was fabulous. I finished off my evening with a little "The O.C." and some "Daily Show". Damn I love Jon Stewart. Hey Jon, my doctor's orders say I can resume sexual activity in 3 weeks!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Things to live for...
I am currently sorting through 292 emails, my first sit down at the computer since getting home yesterday. It's so good to be home. I miss my dogs, but know that yesterday I would have recieved a beagle to the belly upon arrival so it's just as well that they are away at Bitch-Hound Camp in lovely Stafford County, gateway to the Sanders House of Continual Parental Advice and Concern.
Yesterday I insisted that Scott take me to Walmart, follow me around on a "mart-cart" while I shopped, then take me to Payless for some shoes I had to have, then to the pharmacy twice to find my medicines, then home. He was less than thrilled by the end of it all. I did a lot of wandering around the house and settling in, and caused myself to bleed a little from my incision, but it settled down once I got settled in for a good night's sleep around midnight. I just have to remember not to stay up and around for too long at a time, I guess, until things heal a bit more. I am taking it easy today, but had my first accident with my drain. I have this big tube coming out from my abdomen that pours tummy juice (I guess it's more of the infectious fluid) into a bag attached to my leg. It's gross and I hate it, and may have to wear it for weeks or months. Ick. Anyway, I lost a tube while napping this morning and gunked up my comforter. I am taping everything down now for added protection. This sucks, but it sure beats the alternative!
Thanks again for all the emails, notes, comments... it's just nice to know people are still thinking of me as this disaster stretches into more and more weeks of hell. Let's hope we're reaching the end of all of it!! I can't believe all of this has been going on since May 12. That's a long time to be sick. Okay, enough bitching from me, I am grateful to be home and settled!
I think we should have a "Farewell Pancreas Party" of some type. I also think we should all get tickets to see Journey. One day recently Scott said that I needed to start thinking of all the things that I had to live for. (I believe that was one of the days that I prefaced or ended every statement with the phrase "Before I die...") He specifically mentioned Journey as one of those things, and promised that he would take me to see them July 24. Now, as a youngster, I was not allowed to go to events such as a Journey concert... I believe the only concert I saw live while living under my parents roof was "Amy Grant". Not that there's anything wrong with that. (gag.) I tend to be a bit sheltered in this area. However, I have done my best to try to catch up on the most important ones, yet Journey...my favorite band from age 12-??? has escaped me. Let's go!!
Other things to live for...
Doctor's orders say I can resume sexual activity in 3 weeks. I wonder if Blue Cross/Blue Shield will cover the necessary equipment/fees for this?
Getting my dogs back home with me.
Catching Fester on a bad day and actually beating him at Scrabble.
Torturing Scott (Batboy).
Library books.
Milkshakes.
Goddesses.
Laughing.
(On that note, it should be noted, that I am hereby requesting that my visitors refrain from discussing any of the things that make me laugh, as I constantly risk busting a staple out of my gut when these things are mentioned.) The partial list is:
Chickens
Poop
Monkeys
I reserve the right to add to this list anytime.
Yesterday I insisted that Scott take me to Walmart, follow me around on a "mart-cart" while I shopped, then take me to Payless for some shoes I had to have, then to the pharmacy twice to find my medicines, then home. He was less than thrilled by the end of it all. I did a lot of wandering around the house and settling in, and caused myself to bleed a little from my incision, but it settled down once I got settled in for a good night's sleep around midnight. I just have to remember not to stay up and around for too long at a time, I guess, until things heal a bit more. I am taking it easy today, but had my first accident with my drain. I have this big tube coming out from my abdomen that pours tummy juice (I guess it's more of the infectious fluid) into a bag attached to my leg. It's gross and I hate it, and may have to wear it for weeks or months. Ick. Anyway, I lost a tube while napping this morning and gunked up my comforter. I am taping everything down now for added protection. This sucks, but it sure beats the alternative!
Thanks again for all the emails, notes, comments... it's just nice to know people are still thinking of me as this disaster stretches into more and more weeks of hell. Let's hope we're reaching the end of all of it!! I can't believe all of this has been going on since May 12. That's a long time to be sick. Okay, enough bitching from me, I am grateful to be home and settled!
I think we should have a "Farewell Pancreas Party" of some type. I also think we should all get tickets to see Journey. One day recently Scott said that I needed to start thinking of all the things that I had to live for. (I believe that was one of the days that I prefaced or ended every statement with the phrase "Before I die...") He specifically mentioned Journey as one of those things, and promised that he would take me to see them July 24. Now, as a youngster, I was not allowed to go to events such as a Journey concert... I believe the only concert I saw live while living under my parents roof was "Amy Grant". Not that there's anything wrong with that. (gag.) I tend to be a bit sheltered in this area. However, I have done my best to try to catch up on the most important ones, yet Journey...my favorite band from age 12-??? has escaped me. Let's go!!
Other things to live for...
Doctor's orders say I can resume sexual activity in 3 weeks. I wonder if Blue Cross/Blue Shield will cover the necessary equipment/fees for this?
Getting my dogs back home with me.
Catching Fester on a bad day and actually beating him at Scrabble.
Torturing Scott (Batboy).
Library books.
Milkshakes.
Goddesses.
Laughing.
(On that note, it should be noted, that I am hereby requesting that my visitors refrain from discussing any of the things that make me laugh, as I constantly risk busting a staple out of my gut when these things are mentioned.) The partial list is:
Chickens
Poop
Monkeys
I reserve the right to add to this list anytime.
Friday, June 17, 2005
I hope my house is clean...
Kallipalooza
Latest update from Kalli- She is due to be released tomorrow (Sat.), around 12pm. She's still in some pain, and will probably need to go home with at least one drain sucking out some really nasty looking goo...
Latest update from Kalli- She is due to be released tomorrow (Sat.), around 12pm. She's still in some pain, and will probably need to go home with at least one drain sucking out some really nasty looking goo...
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Top ten
Kallipalooza
Top 10 good things about today (Monday):
10. Less pain than yesterday. Pain in general has been remarkably controlled.
9. Possibly ditching the nose/feeding tube this evening. This would allow me to eat again! And drink. I would kill for a hot cup of tea right now.
8. Thoughtful visitors and non visitors. Having a few of my main people drift in and out for support over the past few days in ICU has been nice, but at times overwhelming. Everyone who has waited will be exceptionally appreciated as I get better and better and am bored in my regular hospital room or at home after this (Kalli should be in a regular room by the afternoon/evening of 6/14).
7. My parents left and took the dogs with them for 2 fun filled weeks at summer camp in Stafford. This alleviates my worries about them and their care, and lets everyone else off the hook helping me after I'm home the first week.
6. My parents left town just before "saturation point" which, in my family, occurs either: a) after 72 hrs, b) while any of us isn't feeling good, c) while any of us is stressed/worried.
5. Food, and the possibility of ingesting it.
4. She hit the vein!
3. Dr. Delcore says "You're doing far better than you have any right to be. Far better than any of my expectations."
2. Barring infection or complications, I may be in a private room by Tuesday.
1. And possibly at home 1 week later! Yippie!
Top 10 good things about today (Monday):
10. Less pain than yesterday. Pain in general has been remarkably controlled.
9. Possibly ditching the nose/feeding tube this evening. This would allow me to eat again! And drink. I would kill for a hot cup of tea right now.
8. Thoughtful visitors and non visitors. Having a few of my main people drift in and out for support over the past few days in ICU has been nice, but at times overwhelming. Everyone who has waited will be exceptionally appreciated as I get better and better and am bored in my regular hospital room or at home after this (Kalli should be in a regular room by the afternoon/evening of 6/14).
7. My parents left and took the dogs with them for 2 fun filled weeks at summer camp in Stafford. This alleviates my worries about them and their care, and lets everyone else off the hook helping me after I'm home the first week.
6. My parents left town just before "saturation point" which, in my family, occurs either: a) after 72 hrs, b) while any of us isn't feeling good, c) while any of us is stressed/worried.
5. Food, and the possibility of ingesting it.
4. She hit the vein!
3. Dr. Delcore says "You're doing far better than you have any right to be. Far better than any of my expectations."
2. Barring infection or complications, I may be in a private room by Tuesday.
1. And possibly at home 1 week later! Yippie!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Gimme a Chip!
Kallipalooza
Today I had my first blow out- well, not really a blow out, but one of my IV's decided it was tired of being fenced in and it jumped right out of my arm. It's funny- we (the respiration therapist and I) didn't notice 'til I was pretty blood soaked. Beck's mama, Miss Phyllis, happened to be sitting there chatting with me, and it sent her scurrying out of the room.
Anyway, I feel pretty dang good- I mean, I still have a bunch of nasty incisions/holes- and a tube from my nose to my tummy, and lots and lots of tubes from neck, lungs, cooter, etc. But given all of this I can't complain too much. I'm so grateful for the bits of rest I do get, and some great nurses again. I've got 4-5 main visitors right now and am keeping it limited to that until after I'm out of ICU. It's crowded in here. In the meanwhile, I do sneak a little and check my voice mail when no one's looking.
Yesterday during the draining of my left lung I borrowed the doc's hemostats to pluck Mikey the stray chin hair from my face. I think the doctor was impressed.
Last night Becky brought the Burt's Bees sampler and gave me both hand and foot massages while I toked away on my breathing treatment. Today we had French Manicure fun, where I painted Beck and Mom's nails for them. Mine are too yucky to paint.
Well, today, June 11, is officially 30 days free of alcohol- although I must admit alcohol has been the least of the challenges I've faced over the past month! Anyway- one day at a time and all that...
Today I had my first blow out- well, not really a blow out, but one of my IV's decided it was tired of being fenced in and it jumped right out of my arm. It's funny- we (the respiration therapist and I) didn't notice 'til I was pretty blood soaked. Beck's mama, Miss Phyllis, happened to be sitting there chatting with me, and it sent her scurrying out of the room.
Anyway, I feel pretty dang good- I mean, I still have a bunch of nasty incisions/holes- and a tube from my nose to my tummy, and lots and lots of tubes from neck, lungs, cooter, etc. But given all of this I can't complain too much. I'm so grateful for the bits of rest I do get, and some great nurses again. I've got 4-5 main visitors right now and am keeping it limited to that until after I'm out of ICU. It's crowded in here. In the meanwhile, I do sneak a little and check my voice mail when no one's looking.
Yesterday during the draining of my left lung I borrowed the doc's hemostats to pluck Mikey the stray chin hair from my face. I think the doctor was impressed.
Last night Becky brought the Burt's Bees sampler and gave me both hand and foot massages while I toked away on my breathing treatment. Today we had French Manicure fun, where I painted Beck and Mom's nails for them. Mine are too yucky to paint.
Well, today, June 11, is officially 30 days free of alcohol- although I must admit alcohol has been the least of the challenges I've faced over the past month! Anyway- one day at a time and all that...
Friday, June 10, 2005
Kallipalooza
Kallipalooza
Update from KU Med
Wow! I'm still alive. I have a 7 inch incision (breast bone to belly button), two abdominal drainage holes, and a drainage hole in my mid back that is draining fluid from my lung. Remarkably the pain is bearable... much to my surprise.
Now here's a dilemma: I'm expecting Aunt Rosy (the period from hell) any day now. Now imagine having had all your insides recently sifted through (remember- the pancreas, or in my case what's left of it, sits waaaaay back almost to the spine in the abdominal cavity). Also imagine post-op swelling, lack of mobility, and the fact that there is a catheter in me for peeing purposes. I'm starting to really really hope and pray my period will skip me this month. Maybe the period fairy knows when you're really sick and helps you out once in a while...
The night before surgery Scott spent the evening with me, and Andy slept over at the hospital. I felt strangely calm and peaceful prior to going into the pre/post surgery room, and that was even before they gave me the "I don't care medicine". Truthfully, there's a lot of pain, but nothing has been as bad as I envisioned it could be.... although I am pretty dang cranky! The fact that my parents have been driving all over KC looking for a Walmart with my bag of supplies, reading materials, toiletries, etc... has driven me to tears no less than twice today. I want my own damn deodorant nurse Ratchett!
I know many of you have been sending prayers, good energy, well wishes, and I appreciate it. I will hopefully be able to tolerate more in the way of visitors after I'm out of the ICU. Which will hopefully be in the next two days. Please talk to Scott, Becky or Meg if you're thinking of calling or coming up, and they'll let you know when the coast is clear and I'm not being a total bitch.
Update from KU Med
Wow! I'm still alive. I have a 7 inch incision (breast bone to belly button), two abdominal drainage holes, and a drainage hole in my mid back that is draining fluid from my lung. Remarkably the pain is bearable... much to my surprise.
Now here's a dilemma: I'm expecting Aunt Rosy (the period from hell) any day now. Now imagine having had all your insides recently sifted through (remember- the pancreas, or in my case what's left of it, sits waaaaay back almost to the spine in the abdominal cavity). Also imagine post-op swelling, lack of mobility, and the fact that there is a catheter in me for peeing purposes. I'm starting to really really hope and pray my period will skip me this month. Maybe the period fairy knows when you're really sick and helps you out once in a while...
The night before surgery Scott spent the evening with me, and Andy slept over at the hospital. I felt strangely calm and peaceful prior to going into the pre/post surgery room, and that was even before they gave me the "I don't care medicine". Truthfully, there's a lot of pain, but nothing has been as bad as I envisioned it could be.... although I am pretty dang cranky! The fact that my parents have been driving all over KC looking for a Walmart with my bag of supplies, reading materials, toiletries, etc... has driven me to tears no less than twice today. I want my own damn deodorant nurse Ratchett!
I know many of you have been sending prayers, good energy, well wishes, and I appreciate it. I will hopefully be able to tolerate more in the way of visitors after I'm out of the ICU. Which will hopefully be in the next two days. Please talk to Scott, Becky or Meg if you're thinking of calling or coming up, and they'll let you know when the coast is clear and I'm not being a total bitch.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Keep praying, guys!!!!
I woke up with a 101.6 fever this morning, in quite a bit of pain. It did come down with Advil eventually, but after consulting, Dr. S and Dr. Delcore want me to go on and get admitted at KU Med for monitoring, testing, possible drainage, and potential surgery. So I am getting in the shower and heading to Kansas City this afternoon. I wish I had better news to share... I'm actually a wreck right now so I am going to keep this short.
The phone list with everyone's numbers is inside the front door. Scott, Andy, and Becky will be watching the dogs and the house. You can contact them if you want to know what's up with me.
Thanks again to everyone who has been so damn nice and supportive, it means more to me than you can ever know. I love you all very much, and I'll see you when I get home!!
The phone list with everyone's numbers is inside the front door. Scott, Andy, and Becky will be watching the dogs and the house. You can contact them if you want to know what's up with me.
Thanks again to everyone who has been so damn nice and supportive, it means more to me than you can ever know. I love you all very much, and I'll see you when I get home!!
Sunday, June 05, 2005
A lovely Sunday afternoon outing
I had a delightful community outing today... I slept til 2 pm in anticipation of going somewhere. yippee! Scott came and shuttled me down to the Replay for the outdoor Sunday eve. music show. It started about 5:30, so I ended up staying much longer than I had planned. 3 hours total.
I immediately came home and crashed on the couch until 10:30. Wow. It really took it out of me. I plan to rest all day tomorrow...I'm so tired!
It was awesome to see people, though. Several goddesses were present, several goddess offspring, and a couple of my best errand boys were there, too. They all rock.
I immediately came home and crashed on the couch until 10:30. Wow. It really took it out of me. I plan to rest all day tomorrow...I'm so tired!
It was awesome to see people, though. Several goddesses were present, several goddess offspring, and a couple of my best errand boys were there, too. They all rock.
Friday, June 03, 2005
I want one of these...
It was a very good appointment with the specialist today. He is much more optimistic than Dr. S, and says that there's a 50/50 chance I won't need surgery... possibly if I can avoid infection and take really good care of myself, my body might reabsorb the infectious fluid and dead tissue. There are a lot of compelling reasons to avoid going in even for a simple drainage procedure, as this would introduce more potential infection in there, and would lead to long term complications.
So I still could get sick and have to go in for more procedures, but he seems optimistic that my age and otherwise decent health will be in my favor in this case. He also said that the pancreas is pretty pissed, and I'll likely spend more time in the hospital in the next year or so for pancreatitis, even without obviously exasperating it, just because of the sensitivity of it. But even at that I can still hope for avoiding surgery.
So my orders are to eat well, sleep a lot, take short walks, and rest for the next week. It's hard to eat with the bloating, but I am working on it. It's also hard to get enough calories since I have to eat low fat, low sugar. I am going to try to eat small meals more often, I guess.
I am greatly relieved, and happily resting today... I think tomorrow will be more of the same.
So I still could get sick and have to go in for more procedures, but he seems optimistic that my age and otherwise decent health will be in my favor in this case. He also said that the pancreas is pretty pissed, and I'll likely spend more time in the hospital in the next year or so for pancreatitis, even without obviously exasperating it, just because of the sensitivity of it. But even at that I can still hope for avoiding surgery.
So my orders are to eat well, sleep a lot, take short walks, and rest for the next week. It's hard to eat with the bloating, but I am working on it. It's also hard to get enough calories since I have to eat low fat, low sugar. I am going to try to eat small meals more often, I guess.
I am greatly relieved, and happily resting today... I think tomorrow will be more of the same.
Ouch.
mmmmm... it's 6:30 in the morning and my head hurts. Awful. I am scared to death just to have this consultation, and I didn't sleep at all last night. It was a fitful night.
Thank goodness Andy showed up and stayed with me. The beagle slept completely wedged in between us, with her "creepy beagle hands" up against Andy's back. (his words)
She remains resting comfortably, despite my flurry of getting ready to get out of here.
Oh, I hope hope hope hope that I get to come home this afternoon and SLEEP.
Thank goodness Andy showed up and stayed with me. The beagle slept completely wedged in between us, with her "creepy beagle hands" up against Andy's back. (his words)
She remains resting comfortably, despite my flurry of getting ready to get out of here.
Oh, I hope hope hope hope that I get to come home this afternoon and SLEEP.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Off to KU Med I go...
Today was a good day! I actually got a few things done at work, and that was nice. I also learned from a doctor that I should pack a bag for my trip to KU Med tomorrow morning, as she felt it was likely that they might keep me. Well, better to be prepared, I suppose.
My friend Heather helped me make a master list of contacts and phone numbers of all those who need to be “in the know”, so it’s made and copied and I will make sure everyone gets it. There’s a stack of them inside my front door, and Scott and Becky and Megan should all have copies also. Those 3 people would be the easiest to call to ask what’s up if anyone needs to know the latest scoop. Megan is also going to be my blog master, and will post for me when I am in the hospital or if there’s any news to report.
The dogs seem to be friendly with one another again, if only to fight their way to be closest to me today. They’ve both refused to leave my side.
After I went to work, I stopped at a garage sale on the way home (hey, we have to have priorities, right???) and found a large bag of lovely flat marbles. I don’t really know why I felt compelled to buy them, but I did. When I got home, the construction guys were laying a concrete end to my driveway to make it match the new street/curb. It looks lovely, and Meg and I decorated an entire corner of the new cement with the lovely marbles. It looks way cool. This afternoon I left the guys a pitcher of iced tea and plastic cups on the back of my car in the driveway for them to help themselves while they worked there. When I got back from an errand to Walgreens, it was gone, and I asked if they wanted iced tea or lemonade this round. About 10 guys yelled “Lemonade!” so I made another pitcher, they emptied, and I made some more. They seemed quite pleased with their beverage bar on the back of my car, and I got a very pretty driveway. They even helped a bit with the placing of the decorative marbles, although you could tell they thought I was a little bit whacked. Plus I still look like a big bloated tick. I did manage to color my hair last night and put on makeup today, so I wasn’t too icky.
What’s in my bag to take to the Med center:
2 pairs of hospital shorts (so my rear doesn’t hang out)
a t-shirt
a leopardskin fur neck pillow
a couple of card games
2 books
toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, hairbrush
phone charger, IPAQ charger
a tiara
One of my friends asked today if I could ask for a tummy tuck while they’re in there pulling out dead pancreas. I think I will ask. My doctors reports (that I am taking in tomorrow) were fun to read, except for the part about the entire tail and most of the body of the pancreas being gone. I guess there’s a little head left… hopefully I can get by with a little head. I’ll be asking about that, too.
Regarding recent comments. I love Little Edie Beale’s suggestion about if the doc is married and/or has a straight, employed son who isn’t in a band. Hee!! Go read his blog “Gayhorrorgeek” right now if you haven’t. He’s hilarious.
Thanks Lisa, sorry I haven’t been in touch but obviously you know why… I’m still reading you, though!
I love Anne Tyler now, and will be taking one of hers with. I already did Middlesex, and it was a great read.
If you want to see about the doc, copy and paste my link from a couple days ago into your browser. The link itself didn’t work for some reason, but if you copy and paste it will.
He looks like as good as I can get for the pancreas.
Well, I’ll either be posting again tomorrow or I’ll have Meg do it for me… stay tuned…
My friend Heather helped me make a master list of contacts and phone numbers of all those who need to be “in the know”, so it’s made and copied and I will make sure everyone gets it. There’s a stack of them inside my front door, and Scott and Becky and Megan should all have copies also. Those 3 people would be the easiest to call to ask what’s up if anyone needs to know the latest scoop. Megan is also going to be my blog master, and will post for me when I am in the hospital or if there’s any news to report.
The dogs seem to be friendly with one another again, if only to fight their way to be closest to me today. They’ve both refused to leave my side.
After I went to work, I stopped at a garage sale on the way home (hey, we have to have priorities, right???) and found a large bag of lovely flat marbles. I don’t really know why I felt compelled to buy them, but I did. When I got home, the construction guys were laying a concrete end to my driveway to make it match the new street/curb. It looks lovely, and Meg and I decorated an entire corner of the new cement with the lovely marbles. It looks way cool. This afternoon I left the guys a pitcher of iced tea and plastic cups on the back of my car in the driveway for them to help themselves while they worked there. When I got back from an errand to Walgreens, it was gone, and I asked if they wanted iced tea or lemonade this round. About 10 guys yelled “Lemonade!” so I made another pitcher, they emptied, and I made some more. They seemed quite pleased with their beverage bar on the back of my car, and I got a very pretty driveway. They even helped a bit with the placing of the decorative marbles, although you could tell they thought I was a little bit whacked. Plus I still look like a big bloated tick. I did manage to color my hair last night and put on makeup today, so I wasn’t too icky.
What’s in my bag to take to the Med center:
2 pairs of hospital shorts (so my rear doesn’t hang out)
a t-shirt
a leopardskin fur neck pillow
a couple of card games
2 books
toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, hairbrush
phone charger, IPAQ charger
a tiara
One of my friends asked today if I could ask for a tummy tuck while they’re in there pulling out dead pancreas. I think I will ask. My doctors reports (that I am taking in tomorrow) were fun to read, except for the part about the entire tail and most of the body of the pancreas being gone. I guess there’s a little head left… hopefully I can get by with a little head. I’ll be asking about that, too.
Regarding recent comments. I love Little Edie Beale’s suggestion about if the doc is married and/or has a straight, employed son who isn’t in a band. Hee!! Go read his blog “Gayhorrorgeek” right now if you haven’t. He’s hilarious.
Thanks Lisa, sorry I haven’t been in touch but obviously you know why… I’m still reading you, though!
I love Anne Tyler now, and will be taking one of hers with. I already did Middlesex, and it was a great read.
If you want to see about the doc, copy and paste my link from a couple days ago into your browser. The link itself didn’t work for some reason, but if you copy and paste it will.
He looks like as good as I can get for the pancreas.
Well, I’ll either be posting again tomorrow or I’ll have Meg do it for me… stay tuned…
Deep breath...
It's a good morning! I think if I stay on a 3 hour schedule with my hydrocodone it seems to be helping. I am actually going into the office for a couple of hours today, and that excites me. Yippee!
Perhaps I'll manage to gather my 27 overdue library books to send off to Topeka so I don't continue to feel guilty when they mail me more books. If anyone has any suggestions for books I should order, please comment. I am running out of ideas, and obviously not surfing as much as usual to find those great reads.
Emily and Lucy got in a big ol' bitch fight last night. They really tried to tear each other up. Of course it was because Emily is always soooo hungry, and she eats her supper very fast and then tries to get at Lucy's. Lucy really likes to take her time and chew slowly, and apparently was not in the mood to give it up last night. I am going to have to separate them further during meal times. Em has a bloody eye and both of them have cuts on their cute little snouts and front legs. They spent all of last night glaring at each other, glaring at me, and generally pouting and moaning.
Scott just called and wanted to know why I sound so strange. Perhaps because I don't sound pitiful yet? I guess mornings must be my best time. Never thought I'd say that. My boss is taking me to KU Med tomorow am at 7. Even though she's on vacation and has no such obligation, I think that's awfully nice of her.
Questions so far for Dr. Delacore:
Can I have a transplant?
Maybe this will go away without surgury?
What exactly does the surgury entail? Incision? how big? recovery time?
Is that a hairpiece?
When will the cyst form? Is it doing it right now? What does it look like?
When will I have the surgury?
How long does it take?
How long at KU Med afterwards?
Let me know if you have any other ideas for me to ask.
I am picking up my records today after a counseling appointment, and will hand carry all my xrays and crap to him tomorrow.
Hopefully I'll feel like posting later...
Perhaps I'll manage to gather my 27 overdue library books to send off to Topeka so I don't continue to feel guilty when they mail me more books. If anyone has any suggestions for books I should order, please comment. I am running out of ideas, and obviously not surfing as much as usual to find those great reads.
Emily and Lucy got in a big ol' bitch fight last night. They really tried to tear each other up. Of course it was because Emily is always soooo hungry, and she eats her supper very fast and then tries to get at Lucy's. Lucy really likes to take her time and chew slowly, and apparently was not in the mood to give it up last night. I am going to have to separate them further during meal times. Em has a bloody eye and both of them have cuts on their cute little snouts and front legs. They spent all of last night glaring at each other, glaring at me, and generally pouting and moaning.
Scott just called and wanted to know why I sound so strange. Perhaps because I don't sound pitiful yet? I guess mornings must be my best time. Never thought I'd say that. My boss is taking me to KU Med tomorow am at 7. Even though she's on vacation and has no such obligation, I think that's awfully nice of her.
Questions so far for Dr. Delacore:
Can I have a transplant?
Maybe this will go away without surgury?
What exactly does the surgury entail? Incision? how big? recovery time?
Is that a hairpiece?
When will the cyst form? Is it doing it right now? What does it look like?
When will I have the surgury?
How long does it take?
How long at KU Med afterwards?
Let me know if you have any other ideas for me to ask.
I am picking up my records today after a counseling appointment, and will hand carry all my xrays and crap to him tomorrow.
Hopefully I'll feel like posting later...
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
The Tick
Well, my happy go lucky weekend of feeling relatively healthy came to a screeching halt yesterday when the pain returned and I had an equally excruciating talk with Dr. S. when I went in for blood work.
“Okay, so is there a chance that I won’t have to have this surgery… couldn’t my body just do something else with the dead tissue and infectious fluid running around inside it?”
“No. The chances are slim that you won’t have the surgery. We’ve all looked at your CT scan and agree that this will result in surgical intervention.”
“Okay, but why are you waiting? Why wait until I get sicker?”
“Because there’s nothing to do right now… it’s Pancreatic Cystitis. We have to wait for the cyst to form.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“It will.”
“But I read on Merck that Pancreatic cystitis and the subsequent surgery has a high mortality rate.”
“It does. But so does acute Pancreatitis. Out of 6 mortality factors, you had 5. I didn’t even run the exact percentages when we put you in ICU, because I didn’t want to know, and I doubt that you did either. You almost died. I’m not going to tell you that you’re out of the woods yet at this point, but you did survive that and you can make it through this. It’s just going to be touch and go.”
I think doctors should never be allowed to use phrases like “not out of the woods yet” and “touch and go.”
http://referral.kumed.com/PhysicianProfile.asp?drlink='417'
So I am seeing this guy on Friday morning. If you think of any questions I shouldn’t forget to ask him, put them in my comments. I am carrying all my recent CT scans and tests to him that day for the consultation. He’s the one that’ll presumably do the surgery.
And if you’re interested in the mortality factors that I had, here they are:
http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/uf4363.asp?navbar=uf4338
The only one of them I did not have was the Central nervous system stuff. Although I was pretty messed up on morphine.
So that’s my story. Today’s CT scan showed lots and lots more fluid building up. I feel like a tick about to pop. I look huge. It’s getting to where I can’t really keep food down, and if the pain goes much further I am supposed to go back to LMH to get put on a drip.
Becky’s staying with me tonight in case I need to go to the ER. I am taking lots of hydrocodone and hoping for reprieve, soon!!!
“Okay, so is there a chance that I won’t have to have this surgery… couldn’t my body just do something else with the dead tissue and infectious fluid running around inside it?”
“No. The chances are slim that you won’t have the surgery. We’ve all looked at your CT scan and agree that this will result in surgical intervention.”
“Okay, but why are you waiting? Why wait until I get sicker?”
“Because there’s nothing to do right now… it’s Pancreatic Cystitis. We have to wait for the cyst to form.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“It will.”
“But I read on Merck that Pancreatic cystitis and the subsequent surgery has a high mortality rate.”
“It does. But so does acute Pancreatitis. Out of 6 mortality factors, you had 5. I didn’t even run the exact percentages when we put you in ICU, because I didn’t want to know, and I doubt that you did either. You almost died. I’m not going to tell you that you’re out of the woods yet at this point, but you did survive that and you can make it through this. It’s just going to be touch and go.”
I think doctors should never be allowed to use phrases like “not out of the woods yet” and “touch and go.”
http://referral.kumed.com/PhysicianProfile.asp?drlink='417'
So I am seeing this guy on Friday morning. If you think of any questions I shouldn’t forget to ask him, put them in my comments. I am carrying all my recent CT scans and tests to him that day for the consultation. He’s the one that’ll presumably do the surgery.
And if you’re interested in the mortality factors that I had, here they are:
http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/uf4363.asp?navbar=uf4338
The only one of them I did not have was the Central nervous system stuff. Although I was pretty messed up on morphine.
So that’s my story. Today’s CT scan showed lots and lots more fluid building up. I feel like a tick about to pop. I look huge. It’s getting to where I can’t really keep food down, and if the pain goes much further I am supposed to go back to LMH to get put on a drip.
Becky’s staying with me tonight in case I need to go to the ER. I am taking lots of hydrocodone and hoping for reprieve, soon!!!
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