Saturday, January 17, 2009

What happens when the Ritalin wears off...

I can't believe that Miss Grace is almost 1.5 years old. Still not walking.... Perhaps she won't. This would make some things easier, I am sure.
I have been using anti-aging lotion on her after every bath, it is not doing any good. She is aging way too fast. Her little soft spot is gone, and her skin is rough in places ( like her knees, which get way too much use).

The other day I pulled out her tiny pink monkey outfit that she wore home the first day from the NICU. I got a little teary just looking at it and remembering how tiny and sweet she was. She weighed 4.8 pounds and she rocked the monkey jammies.

I didn't know it would go this fast. I know that I won't have any more children, so I find myself being sad and wistful almost before a moment has even passed...because I know it's a moment I won't get back.

We are getting ready to sell our house. I have a good agent, some boxes, some unemployed, loyal friends; a couple of smart,organized and generously helpful friends, and I'm ready to bury a statue of St. Joseph upside down in the yard. I also have Ritalin and Xanax, not to be used together, of course. Now I need a storage unit and a friend with a truck. But hey, who doesn't?

Speaking of Ritalin, resolutions, and sorting through the piles.... I've been reading a lot (on my KINDLE) on personal organization, de-cluttering, living with less, and attention deficit disorder. I have no doubt about the accuracy of the ADD label, which I have had since I was a child.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Def...

Oh look, a kitty!

As an adult, I just never really chose to acknowledge the ADD. FYI, copious amounts of Chardonnay and cigarettes will not solve your attention issues, if indeed you have ADD. After being diagnosed (again) recently, I began counseling but had to delay pharmaceutical treatment until I stopped nursing Grace, and once she fired me I started on Ritalin, very very hesitantly.

I must say I am impressed. It is helpful in ways I never would have expected... I am more patient, less overwhelmed, and my handwriting is even significantly different when taking it. Isn't that strange? I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish today right when I woke up, and then 45 minutes later, post-Ritalin, made another list. I looked them over and was amazed at the difference. The second list not only looked neater, it actually made sense and was reasonable.

The most interesting book I read about living with ADD highlighted many tips and techniques commonly utilized in 12-step programs, and outlined how these steps can be used to live better with ADD. Lucky me, I already know where the meetings are and I know the secret handshake... I'm totally hooked up.

It looks like I might be able to pull this house thing together after all. I will be relieved and much lighter after all the re-organizing, cleaning, and purging of belongings. Any and all baby stuff that I have left is going to Meggity Meg... I am so excited that she's baking a little bun in her oven.

We are quite excited about President Obama's (*squeeeeal!*)inauguration. Well, I am. Grace is just excited, and our roommate Jamie is decidedly unexcited, I think it's seasonal-affective-stuck-on- the- couch- watching- Lifetime- disorder. Oh, labels. What would I do without them? I am a non-compliant diabetic, recovering alcoholic, seasonally depressed, impulsive, ADD non-traditional single mommy. Maybe once my house is organized I'll feel like trying out that dating thing again. Or not. Boys kinda suck sometimes.

The collage at the top of this post was made with, by the way. It pulls pics off your flickr or photobucket page. I entered in a flickr address that contained specific pictures that I had grouped together for this purpose. I used this collage as a desktop on my computer, it is set in grayscale. Anyway, it's free, no registration, and it gives you a url that you can then paste elsewhere, send to friends, etc.

mmm. sleepy.


Rikki said...

Ritalin changed my life. It took me 8 years and 3 colleges to get my undergrad degree (working part time and with no kids). After my ADD diagnosis, I did grad school in 3 years, with a kid and full-time job. I'm still a compulsive spending, unorganized bill payer, and pack rat. Oh well - can't be good at everything, I guess.

As for the baby growing up -- we're having a horrid (horrid horrid) pre-teen experience, and yesterday I sobbed just remembering the first time I saw my daughter. I remember the doctor handing her to me and I thought, "Oh shit! Now what do I do?" Sadly, I'm still trying to figure out the answer to that question. :-)

gypsy said...

I have been avoiding the ritalin train for far too long. I don't know what is holding me back; I'm all for better living through chemistry. I guess with all my other little "things" (thyroid, LPRD) lately, I haven't wanted to say to my doctor, "Oh yeah and I'm a neurotic with terrible ADD and that's why I have so many other problems." I think I fear she might not believe me. (My mother still doesn't - she just says I lack discipline.)


I am so proud of you and your moving forward decision. I am here to help however I can, and I can't wait to go look at new places with you. I am quite good at scoping out pros and cons in living situations.

Love you much much much.

RunLuluRun said...

Ritalin is awesome. I couldn't make it through budget time at work without it!

Redhead Fae said...

Oh thank you for posting this.. it's good to know we're not alone!

I'm on the Adderall for now, maybe I'll try Ritalin if it conks out on me. so far I need to be more med-compliant to do anything sensible and organized. Oh well, maybe tomorrow... look, a kitty!

gypsy said...


BK said...

Hi I am 38 and after a life of horrible struggles in work and school I discovered ADHD in my damn head. After I started to read posts on line how people's lives changed very dramatically (ADHD if misunderstood can cause dangerous despair) after medication and slowly but surely realized what I did not want to admit. I realized that there has been a nasty cloud over my head since I was in diapers that became part of who I thought I was daily and now I am realizing with extreme pain what I missed in life and why I suffered so much as a kid. It's horrible to realize that years and years passed by where my potential was seriously compromised and I did not know why. I got fired from jobs and sat for days wondering why. Now I am waiting for my Ritalin prescription with fear because it will make me look back and relive all those times that I was dubbed dumb by some while I was maybe smarter than them. It is easier said than done.....Maybe we can make up for those years by helping each other we as ADHD species and recover some of what was lost. Good luck

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"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time . Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." --E.B. White