Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Postcard from the Edge (click for pics)

I'm spending a lot of time on the highway these days... back and forth to the NICU. I got released on Saturday, and it was terrible to leave the hospital without my baby. I knew when we embarked on this journey that it would be a difficult one, and would have complications... but I didn't really think of the actual reality of having a little 4 1/2 pound baby in ICU an hour away from home.

Unfortunately all of my procrastinating tendencies and bad planning and then going into the hospital unexpectedly so early is wreaking havoc on the other areas of my life... I won't bore you with the details here but suffice it to say that I am having a crazy week of trying to finish up last minute details at work when I should be resting, and have other huge and dire issues with my house and finances. It's a lot to deal with individually, and I am sure there are lots of hormonal factors and health issues too. My blood pressure was 170 over 110 yesterday, and I have a feeling it hasn't improved much today, either.

But. On a good note, my little Grace is doing so well. She gained 2 oz. in the past day. That's huge. She's been in a losing phase, down to 4 pounds 7 oz from her original 4 pounds 15 oz. Today she was back up to 4 pounds 9 oz. None of this weight loss has diminished her fat little cheeks, though. She's been alert and curious today, as you'll see by the pics. Until tonight, after I gave her her bath and changed her, she snuggled up close and had good sleeps with me until I left her at 10. As much as I tried to relax with her tonight, it didn't do much... the baby xanax effect just wasn't there for me... too many worries in Lawrence. Luckily she seemed fine with all of it, and moved into position readily for some skin to skin time with mommy.

She's still on the feeding tube, but is receiving breast milk for all of her feedings. Maybe that was part of the weight gain? Anyway, her IV will be in maybe until Friday. She's got orders to breastfeed 1 time per day, after I've pumped, so that I don't flood her with the milkapalooza that is coming from my breasts. Oh yeah, and on top of everything else I'm trying to pump breastmilk every 3 hours or so. That's a big "or so", as I have been running crazily from Phyllis' house to hospital to Lawrence to meetings for work, to the doctor for me, and making a zillion phone calls in between, trying to save the rest of my world from falling apart.

Anyway, tonight she ignored the doctor's order to breastfeed... she was totally uninterested. I don't know why she doesn't do what the doctor says... I wonder where she gets that?

So I guess I'm supposed to rest. I'll do that for a couple of hours until the next pumping. I'm spending the night in Lawrence tonight for the first time since I originally went into the hospital last Monday. 9 days out of my own bed... I miss it. I want my baby to be here with me. I have work I need to do now, and it's already almost 2 am. I don't trust myself to get up and finish it in the morning so I'd better do it now.

I got nothing else... keep checking the pics... I think I am looking crazier and more tired with each passing day, and I don't think that's going to change too much for the next... hmmm. 18 years?


Enarda said...

I can't wait to your little Grace will be in Lawrence! Beautiful little lady that she is!

gypsy said...

Bring that baby to me!! I want to touch her and nuzzle her little head!

What happened to your flikr site?

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time . Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." --E.B. White