Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Lessons (Click for most recent pics)

I think that everyone we encounter, interact with, love, admire, resent, etc is put in our lives for a reason. They are our teachers, as are the situations that we find ourselves in. We can learn from them, and either grow or repeat the lessons. I find myself thinking this morning about those teachers and lessons.

In AA, its common for a "newer" person to choose someone with a bit of sobriety to act as a "guide" both in working through the steps, and also just someone to bounce things off of to make sure you're really applying the things you're learning... Its a lot more than just not picking up a drink... there's a lot to navigate when figuring out what made you need to drink to oblivion. What were the fucked up ways of thinking that got me into this situation in the first place, and how do I live "right"...for me it has much to do with living honestly and responsibly , and having clarity to resolve the day to day issues that used to send me sashaying happily into a glass (bottle) of Chardonnay. (box).

I don't spend enough time with my sponsor, but I do get a lot out of the time we do talk. I chose her because she's got 17? 18? Years of sobriety, we are close in age, she's funny and honest and calls me on my shit. On Saturday, I had 2 years of sobriety, so somehow some of the lessons are getting through.

On the flip side, I've begun serving as a sponsor for a few young women who are all trying their best to get it right this time, to clean up the messes and build better lives. Funny thing about this, however, is that I feel like I'm learning way more from them than they are from me. I guess if nothing else, I hope that they, too, will come to see the people and situations that they encounter, good and bad, as the lessons that they really are. And I hope it doesn't take any of them as long to grasp these lessons as it has me. It's still a struggle some days. God, I am stubborn.

So I've had many encounters/lessons lately to learn from. (as I grit my teeth and say "wow, I'm so grateful for these growth opportunities!")

As usual, there are always men in my life who provide me with many lessons. Mostly ones that I'd truly prefer not to learn.

Thankfully, there are many women in my life who provide positive and uplifting lessons and give me things to aspire to. The lovely goddesses, my mommy mentors, and women in the rooms of AA.

I spent time with family this weekend that reminded me of how grateful I can be for the time we have together, and of the things I can't wait to share with Grace.

I also re-connected with old friends from high school, reflected on the very different paths that we all chose, and drove home to Lawrence with an abundance of gratitude to have had the chance to see them again, hopes and prayers for all of them to appreciate the good things that they have and to find value in the lessons they may be faced with, and most of all I just felt happy to be coming HOME to Lawrence and to the life I love.

Perhaps the most pertinent of my recent lessons came this morning at 5:15 am, during a thunderstorm. I sat here holding my trembling little Beagle, frantic and drooling all over me, instead of getting the well earned slept I felt I deserved during that hour. The brave little Beagle tunneled out of the back yard yesterday afternoon, and I got to the Humane Society just before 5 pm to rescue her from jail and bring her home once again. She would not have enjoyed riding out the storm early this morning in a kennel, I am certain. So I sat with her and told her everything was ok, and tried to comfort her when I would much rather have been sleeping.

I have no doubt what lesson this was intended for.


Roya said...

Congrats on the 2 years!
Go you!


Meg Moran said...

so now you know intuitively things which used to baffle us.....a sweet practice session with a beagle...that is rich, really rich. thank you for warming my heart today.

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time . Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." --E.B. White