Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Stalking

Grace is of music...and the wind, invisible
To my eye.
Grace is of my heart and soul,
my guardian, first and last friend.
Celebrator of my spirit.
Grace is hard to understand when I demand to
Touch and see. It is the answer between ... the lines
Intuition opens the door
to readiness--- sometimes doesn't a special coincidence...
Happen at just the right time?

When I am utterly exhausted
Grace keeps me in the game.

We say that we don't deserve grace,
or need any special favors

Why is it so hard to accept a gift we didn't "earn"?

That is EXACTLY WHY we are given Grace.

Because we believe that we aren't "good" enough. --Anonymous



One of my best friends found this passage in a book of meditations and passed it on to me. As usual, it was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time.

I've been very sensitive and touchy the past few days... I feel like what it means when someone says "she's got her nose out of joint". I've been taking things very personally, internalizing perceived rejection from others, feeling lonely & overwhelmed, hey...this sounds sorta like PMS, but obviously isn't.

I hope its a hormonal blip that will pass, though... I think if one more person hurts my feelings i'm going to bite someone.

Someone said at a meeting last night that the only way she was able to let go of resentments was to identify them, and figure out her part. The interesting thing is that often her "part" in the situation was simply that she internalized the things people had said or done, and really took on those feelings... Whether anger, frustration, sadness, rejection, etc.

And she's learned that if she can have a little FAITH, acceptance/peace, that she's OK on her own path, right now, doing what she needs to do, it becomes easier to let go .

I want to get me some of THAT.

I need to remember to step back and just be OK. And that I can't control anyone else's behavior or feelings, but I can choose to have a little faith.

I'll be OK. This will pass. And I might figure out which meetings this woman is going to and stalk her in hopes of getting more little pearls of wisdom. My teachers keep showing up in the strangest places.

Maybe stalking the ones I like is a good project.

1 comment:

gypsy said...

It's funny - when my sister in law was pregnant (both times) she would call me from time to time and cry and say she was sure no one loved her, figured there was no way anyone could love her...

It's crazy what our hormones do. There is a little girl inside you who ALREADY loves you - and a thousand people outside you who love you too.

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time . Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." --E.B. White