Friday, August 03, 2007

Going underground


She looks crowded in there... and so does the bladder.
40 days to go... woo hoo! I'm feeling pretty good, although I do feel like I'm moving in slow motion, underwater. I'm just at the tired point, I guess. I don't feel very motivated, I have bronchitis, and lots of pressure at work... our agencies' annual audit is coming up... I planned on having all of my stuff caught up and filed by late August anyway, of course, in prep. for maternity leave, but now all of my co-workers are right there with me in the last minute panic, as the date of our audit was moved to August 22.
Oh well... despite the pain of preparing for it, it will feel good to take leave afterwards knowing things are taken care of and in place, and they won't all be panicking and trying to figure out everything with me gone....that would stress me out later, during my leave.
If that sounds strange to you, understand that I work for a very tiny agency... I share an office with my best friend of the past 20 years, (who is also going to be Grace's godfatha) and I am friends with everyone who works there. So walking out and having "no-contact" with work and the goings-on at the office would be simply impossible. I used a website as a reference when composing my proposed maternity leave, and I had to just laugh when it suggested that 6 weeks was the minimum amount of time to stay away/have no contact with the office. Hee! Maybe in their world... I won't be able to afford that, nor would I have any real desire to be cut off from everything.
Pregnancy weirdness... aside from the "expected" alien things that are happening to my body (breast leakage, wearing wee-wee pads) I have some really strange sound effects happening. I guess that the lack of muscle coverage in certain areas of my stomach mean that things are noisy. There really is nothing between the scar tissue of my big tummy scar and the placenta... When Grace really gets to moving in there, I can hear the water sloshing around. It's soooo weird. My roommate can hear it from across the room, people sitting near me can hear it in meetings. Of course there's also a lot of visible motion... sometimes rolling, sometimes direct kicking/punching. It amuses me.
With regard to the last entry, thank you to everyone who offered advice and insight. I've finally reached a point where I feel that I've resolved my feelings about the issues at hand, and it can best be summed up in the most "behavioral" way I can muster. Rather than worrying about "what-if" and what the potential motivation might be for certain action or inaction on the part of other people, I am taking the guess work out of it and acting/not acting in accordance with the actual behavior that has thus far been shown to me. This means readjusting my attitudes, hopes, fears accordingly. I will do what needs to be done to protect us in the most basic and legal sense, but outside of that, I think that we will be okay just continuing with the support that we already have in our lives. Many people have actively pursued being part of this process. I'm not alone and I'll be okay.
If all I've received so far is sperm and criticism, then so be it. I don't need to receive any more of either of those things in the future from anyone who is coming from a place of anger and resentment. I'm still happy, thrilled to be embarking on this next adventure, and I'm going to focus on those who are here and ready to be part of all of this craziness.
Which brings me to my next thought... I guess it's not all about me anymore. SIGH. Because of this, I was trying to decide if I would be one of those people who puts up baby's own blog, or just include us all together in one big palooza. I think I'm going to just keep blogging here at kallipalooza, as always. However, I am going to go PRIVATE in a week or so. So if you are reading and want to keep reading, you'll need to let me know your email address or gmail account name, so that I can list you as an approved reader. You don't have to have a gmail account, (although why wouldn't you WANT to?) you can read as a guest if I list you, I think. I'll get it all figgered out. It's sort of depressing, as I like having an open blog that anyone can read, but I've been advised against it for now.
Email me at myfirstnamelastname@yahoo.com or kallipalooza at gmail.com if you have questions or if I can put you on the "special friends" list.

10 comments:

Rikki said...

I peed a little every time I sneezed for about 7 years after I had Cleo. Delightful.

Mom aka Nana said...

It goes away? Pointing finger at Kalli - it's all her fault!

gypsy said...

Put me on your list. You have my gmail account, right?

Anonymous said...

So if your baby has health problems because you smoked cigarettes during your pregnancy, are you going to expect your friends to organize a benefit to help pay for the medical care for your child?

Anonymous said...

http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/14332_1171.asp

Scott said...

My first comment on Kalli's blog- Hey anonymous: Go fuck yourself.

RunLuluRun said...

Add me to the list...you have the lulu account?

Too Pissed! said...

Hey Anonymous - Minimal smoking is far less hazardous to the baby than either the tension you create with your fighting or the original fate you tried to pawn off on her. Those of us that care about Kalli will always be there for her. That is not even up for debate.

fester said...

I'll do a benefit, you anonym-ass

LuckyNun said...

I definitely want to stay in the loop. congrats on the new cutie! I told Scott to send smooches from me and the boys!

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time . Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." --E.B. White