Well, I am off the panic button for the moment. Looks like this veinous stuff just is what it is, although I had to chuckle when I looked at the diagram of different types of thrombosis at the above link, and it looked JUST LIKE the endoscopy I just had done. In other words, I have almost all of those types of thrombosis. Pancreatitis just plain sucks, man.
I read meditations every morning and night, and sometimes they are eerily right on. Today's morning meditation was about worry, and how unnecessary it is to worry too much, and that we aren't given anything we aren't strong enough to handle, etc. etc. blah biddy blah blah blah. How true, though, and after 5 days of obsessing about this and wondering how long I'll live and stuff, I realized that just because I've had this illness doesn't mean I get some special privilege of knowledge about the future...
I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, although seeing as how it is early August, it is much more likely that I'll be killed by some brand new incoming freshman driving the wrong way down Kentucky street. Yes, folks, I did it and I own it, and I was probably drunk at the time, too. Remember Country Club week? I fully blame that on my downward spiral into alcoholism. Really... it's probably not in my genes. It's because I was shy, and scared, on my own for the first time, and just stupid.
I got a lot better at drinking later on. I got to know cab drivers also, sometimes kissed them goodnight. Sometimes I kept my teeth in my mouth and wasn't a complete idiot. Ahhh. Memories.
Anyhoo, regarding my health... I'm thinking that instead of Mayo Clinic or St.Louis for the "Backup Plan in case I pop a vein and start bleeding internally" needs to be closer to me. Dr. S is going to check on whether or not KU Med does the TIPS procedure. That would be done by the interventional radiation department, and anyone who remembers them knows that they were such butts. They never put me out well enough, they were disrespectful, they hurt me, they were callous and unconcerned, and they played really bad music in the room where they were doing procedures. They never could get the dang liver drain shunt in the right place, and they nearly killed me 5 times trying. Still, they may end up being my plan B.
So, it is what it is, and I am feeling much more casual about the situation, if that makes any sense. I can't function at crisis level constantly anymore, it's just not a good way to live.
So... bring it on, and it'll all work out one way or another.
. . . . Random thoughts about nothing in particular, executed with alternating fits of bitchiness and/or sentimentality.
2 comments:
Been thinking about you. My mother had something similar with the vein thing -- a major artery was cut off in a botched surgery when they removed her spleens (yes, she had more than one...you think they would have discovered that prior to the actual surgery). Anyway, she spent the rest of her life trying to make sure her blood with the right thickness/thinness. And no, the vein thing wasn't what killed her. I think you're probably right about the students on Kentucky street being a better chance. I already gave Jud a big lecture about the new students/amateur drinkers going the wrong way down one-way streets. I heart you!xoxox
I had the wrong way driving incident when I was 16 and close enough and stupid enough to come out here to party. Funny thing was that I was sober at the time.
Kalli, give a call up. I'd love to have lunch...
hugs and kisses to you, Sweetie!
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