Friday, July 07, 2006

Say Cheese!!

The tooth:

I’ve been told that this story needs to be blogged, so here it is…
Sometime in the early 90’s I had several problems with my front teeth. A dentist convinced me that the best thing to do was to cover those teeth with crowns. I ended up with 4 crowns in the front of my mouth, and indeed, it was an improvement on my smile. However, one of the crowns never quite fit right. It banged against the bottom teeth, and was basically a disaster waiting to happen. (there was no option for recourse from the dentist, as he was diagnosed shortly thereafter with ALS and died.)

One night I was at my friend Brad’s home, and he had prepared a lovely meal for me and another of our pals. We were pretty far into a bottle of rum by the time we sat down to eat. Halfway through the meal, I looked down and realized that my front tooth had fallen off. Under the crown, it was just a tiny nub of a tooth, so it was truly a scary sight to see me with a full tooth missing right in the front of my mouth. Mustering all the logic about the situation that we could, we piled into our friend’s convertible, and drunkenly made our way to Walgreens, where I proudly smiled and waved to anyone in our general vicinity. One friend found the aisle with the hula hoops, and was in the middle of a serious demonstration about how to hula hoop in the aisle at the store, while I was over in the “I need to somehow glue this tooth back into my mouth” aisle. I recall that this event happened at the beginning of a 3 day weekend like Memorial Day, so it was several days before I got it fixed again at the dentist. Like an idiot, I continued to go to the dental practice where the original dentist had worked, and allowed his equally inept minion “repair” the tooth.

A couple of years later, the tooth was still loose and not at all trustworthy. However, I was at the Jazzhaus one evening, and saw an upper administrator of the agency that I worked for at the time, and proceeded to drunkenly approach her table of friends and say hello and babble about something that I am sure none of us remember… because about 3 sentences into my rant, my front tooth came flying out of my mouth and landed right in the middle of the table. I grabbed it and got the hell out of there. Another trip to the inept dentist the next day, and I was back in rare form.

Then a couple of years ago came the fabulous Kallipalooza month of partying, which always commences during the 4th of July weekend. I was at a house in the country, standing in one of those weird 4 foot deep above ground swimming pools and having a rather animated discussion with a new drunk friend. My tooth flew out of my mouth AGAIN, landed in the water, and new drunk friend, with nary a thought, quickly grabbed that tooth before it could sink to the bottom of the pool. Feeling quite adept at dealing with tooth emergencies, (which really did always seem to happen during holiday weekends) I popped the tooth back on and made my way around to the other women at the party looking for someone with nail glue or super glue. Sure enough, someone had some, and I took 5 minutes in the bathroom to glue that baby back into place and then continued with the festivities. No problem!

The tooth was still not happy in its place, and continued to be loose and annoying for some time after that. One night about a year and a half ago, I was having yet another animated conversation with a drunk friend, and pop… the tooth was gone suddenly, and I had no earthly idea where the hell it was. I was at the Red Lyon, which has floors with tiny white tiles, and also they serve free popcorn, much of which ends up on the floor. My dear friends David and Meg were there, and joined me in my drunken crawl around the vicinity where I had been perched on a barstool, searching unsuccessfully for the tooth. Finally they poured me into a car and took me home.

Let me tell you that waking up with a big bad hangover is not fun. Waking up with a big, bad hangover and missing your front tooth is beyond not fun. Finally I hit the yellow pages and found a dentist that was willing to get me in immediately, agreed with me that something better could be done, and finally, once and for all, made me a beautiful crown that fits perfectly and has never fallen out of my mouth since. So next time you see me smile, be grateful that my drunken redneck tooth-missin’ days are behind me.


gypsy said...

Hee hee. I'll never forget that night. I had only met you a few times before that and I wanted so badly to be your friend. And then after the tooth night I was SURE we were to be fast friends. I am so glad I'm always right.

Enarda said...

Grif's had his share tooth losing episod. We were stupid and kept going bck to that dentist to get it fixed and on the "last straw" episode it fell out RIGHT after the dentist put the damn thing in. I swear it was not even 10 minutes later! I left it out. He looked like a cute little rabbit for a few years until his adult teeth came.

I can't wait to see you again! I'm glad to read about your adventures again!

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time . Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." --E.B. White