I swear to gawd, ya'll, I didn't write this, but would have if possible. It was sent to me with no known credit to the author by my mother, and therefore, I am assuming (not really) that she wrote it. Although it should be interesting to see if that does actually hold up in court. (I'm just kidding, Mom, I swear!!)
Anyway, it's a light touch on a crappy subject and I thought I'd include it here.
(From an unknown source)
New Living Will
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such adetermination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and "call it a day".
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf.
They should mind their own damn business too. If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living Hell. _______________________________________ Signature _____________________________ Witness
Welp, I guess that just about sums it up, huh?
On another note, a good friend of mine has the same name as a religious republican zealot in our community who really digs writing letters to the editor of the paper here in Lawrence http://www.ljworld.com and Kansas City. I think this may actually be written by a man, and my friend is a woman. Her name is spelled with an " i " at the end, and his? is spelled with a
" y ". And their last names are slightly different. Anyhoo, he (I am going to assume he's a he.) apparently regularly writes fairly inflammatory letters, and she is frequently asked about her "views". Wouldn't that SUCK???? I am glad my name is so ummm. different. Kalli.
Although I hear that there is actually a seventh grader in our community with the same first and last name as me, and I hope like hell she's not growing up to be a loudmouthed conservative right wing nutjob, cause this town's just too small for the both of us. I wonder if I should look her up and offer to be a "big sister" in the ways of growing up to be liberal, annoying, kind (I try), crafty, underdog lovin', social, friendly, fun person with an interest in all types of people, places, and ideas?
Yes, I am a hypocrite. I love people, as long as they don't piss me off.