Monday, April 25, 2011

Let's Potty!

There should be graduations and celebrations for early milestones in a child’s life, not just passing on to another grade or leaving school.  I almost threw a party when my daughter began to walk at 22 months.  We still have no idea why so late, but damn we were happy when it finally happened.  

Just when I thought we’d be buying Jayhawk pull-ups for her to take to college, Miss Thing finally woke up one day and said “I need to go potty before I leave for school.”  She’s been wearing big-girl panties and telling us when she needs to go for the past 2 weeks.  I have no idea what changed.  We didn’t start doing anything different, it’s like she just woke up and realized that there’s a signal, and it tells her she has to go.  No more surprises.    Hot diggity!   I’m ready to give a commencement speech and proudly celebrate. 
“Children,  as you leave behind your diapers and pull-ups, and graduate to big-kid underwear, I send you off into the world with the knowledge that you do not have to pee on the couch.  You no longer have to poop in your pants or leave a piddle-puddle on the floor behind you.   As you proudly pick out underwear sporting your favorite princess or cartoon character, know that eventually you will go on to shop at Victoria’s Secret or Walmart, to ponder the benefits of boxers vs. briefs, and you will have to make due with thongs and tighty-whities instead of “Days of The Week”.   

(Why don’t they have special panties for us grown-ups?  I might wear some “Friday Night Lights” panties, or “I *heart* crochet” bikinis.   Not to mention some “Celebrity Chef” high cut briefs… and I’d buy “The Daily Show” boxers for my significant other, if there were such a thing.) 

  Anyway, children… today is a big day for you.  You may not wet your bed again until college or experience embarrassing leakage until after you’ve given birth.  Congratulations!   Remember to change them daily in case you get in an accident, throw them away when they have holes in them, and not to leave them on the floor when you have a new puppy.”

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"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time . Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." --E.B. White