I'm thrilled beyond belief that I get to be a member of "Team Jackass" at Megan's labor & childbirth. (Or prep for c-section...whatever.)
So, baby Jonny. It's almost time for you to make your appearance. It's a lovely cloudy day, about 70 degrees. I'm here in your mama's hospital room with your Daddy and Rikki.
Mama's asking "Are we there yet?". We are all so excited to meet you. You've been meticulously hoped for, planned for, shopped for, decorated for, and otherwise prepared for. Your mama is going to be a really really great mom. You'll love her. She'll make you laugh, teach you everything, and love you endlessly. I'm sure your Dad will also, and he'll probably say yes when she says no, keep that in mind later.
He's sitting here on a loveseat in the labor room chatting with your Mama and making jokes, trying to act like his world isn't going to totally change the moment he looks into your eyes.
I expect you'll be kinda wrinkly and red at first, but I know you'll be the most beautiful thing they've ever seen.
Some hints I hope you will heed in the future:
Don't chew on ice in your mother's earshot.
Do not try to pull anything over on your parents when you are a teenager, they have been there and done that. Twice.
Don't pull the kitties' tails.
Forgive your mother for dressing you in smocked and ruffled boy pantsuits and onsies. She cannot help herself. Your dad will have done his best, but really...you know by now what he was up against.
Sorry about the Dan Fogelberg and John Denver you had to endure in the womb on your birthday...I understand this may be part of the reason you aren't hurrying right along.
Well, your mama is happily napping away now as Rikki and your dad watch "The Big Lebowski" on dvd. Just forget about what you've heard during this movie.
Your impending arrival and all the shenanigans leading up to it has been facebooked, tweeted, blogged, and photographed, much to your mother's chagrin.
I hope you enjoy the pics and the reports, we'll make sure they all get into your baby book.
Mama's snoring now, she's gathering up some much needed rest before you get here and rock her world.
Hurry up and come out, okay? The planets have aligned, the world is waiting for you, your destiny has been chosen. This is going to be fun. I promise.