.: July 2009

Thursday, July 30, 2009

How may I help you?

Some days as an “employment specialist” are really, really hard. When your job is to help people “eliminate barriers to employment”, “increase work-place social skills”, and “set goals and follow through with them”, it sucks to have an OFF day.

I can’t lay down in the corner of a grocery store at a consumer’s job and take a nap. I can’t complain to a consumer that I just almost called in sick this morning because I didn’t want to talk to anyone, or that my monthly paperwork is way behind, or that I can’t concentrate long enough to write a post-it note, let alone a full page “Action Plan”. Instead I smile and try to be encouraging and sympathetic, while brainstorming any and all ways to help the person get or keep a job.

On the other hand, when I talk to people whose barriers and challenges to moving forward in their lives include time-management, stress management, budgeting skills, follow-through, motivation, depression, anxiety----I almost have to laugh at the irony of it all. Like I should be helping anyone with this stuff…look at my own life!

Maybe it makes it easier to hear the hard stuff from an “employment specialist” who knows what it feels like to be in that place. Someone philosophical once said “We teach what we most need to learn.” If so, I should be super smart, efficient, responsible, and pretty damn close to perfect very very soon.

Delete, delete, delete.

One of my co-workers just hit “reply-all” to take the opportunity to encourage everyone to take advantage of the proposed state funded health insurance plan that our agency has been offered by the State of KS. This was fine until he felt the need to add: “Until Obama and his cronies take it all away”.

I’ve blocked email from a few relatives due to the deluge of conspiracy theory/racist/right-wing nut job emails that they randomly forward on. I really don’t believe that they even read them, let alone take the step of checking with Snopes to see if any of it is true. They come in clusters once or twice a month, presumably when they get on that fancy computer to check their interwebs email.

I have one friend from high-school who occasionally forwards something that is politically “right” of where I stand, but it is usually pretty obvious that she’s chosen to send it because it has some significance to her or is something she is willing to debate. She’s not just hitting “FWD” on every little thing, in other words.

I can respect this… I had another high-school friend who forwarded me lots of stuff in hopes of pissing me off. We don’t talk much anymore.

I don’t generally forward a lot of email in general, and particularly political stuff… especially if I don’t know where others stand. Didn’t that used to be pretty basic manners? To refrain from intentionally provoking, belittling, or otherwise causing discomfort?

I wonder if people think that by sending something politically charged that one day their friend or relative will read it and say “Oh! Well of course—now I get it. Apparently I’ve been thinking about this wrong all along.”

Probably not gonna happen.

Memory

It’s a gray Kansas day… feeling even more tired than usual. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Yet another sign of old-age, saying things like that.

I had lunch with my best friend the other day and we were discussing the issue of aging and memory. I tend to blame much of my spacy forgetfulness on my ADD, or on being a mommy. There really is a difference in how my mind works since having a baby. Must be a hormonal shift.

Anyway, I would have assumed that without the frequent need to over-compensate for foggy hangover brain and the tendency to black out when drunk a few years ago, I would actually be a much sharper person now that I’m sober. Not so. I’m just as “out-there” some days as I ever was. So I’m not sure if it really comes down to age or other factors?

My friend believes that his forgetfulness is unrelated to any sort of ADD, and is probably more likely age-related or just being tired.

I think there is something to the “tired” theory. I push myself to stay up late because it’s my only “me-time”—no one is placing any demands on my time after about 9 pm, so I like to prolong it as much as possible. And the next day? Well, there’s the Ritalin. And the protein shake. And vitamins. And coffee. And nicotine. All the fuels that keep this crazy and meandering mommy rolling.

Must buy diapers.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Standing in as Todd

Standing in as Todd at Meg's Birthin' Class Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Sushi Wednesday is w

Sushi Wednesday is way better than Sushi Friday. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Monday, July 27, 2009

Goddess Gathering Ju

Goddess Gathering July Birthdays 2009 @FSB Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Friends & Neighbors... Yay.

Grace is quite excited to make it into the local paper today. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dancing at Replay Sunday night

Dancing to the band that played before the Eudoras at Replay Lounge. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Being Still.

I seem to spend more time on my Crackberry now than on my computer. I feel compelled to write more, but haven't quite moved in that direction.
Unless I have a lot of other stuff to do.

So today I have a lot to do, including putting boxes together, packing, loading a pickup truck's worth o' crap, and of course, playing with Grace. So far today all I've done is play with Grace and the Crackberry. Damn you, FB & Twitter and Google Reader. I feel like I've even been neglecting my Kindle. Poor thing. It's lonely.

Hoping to get a good solid load of stuff over to S&T's today. I wonder when I will feel moved in enough to call it "my house". I am such a typical astrological Cancer sign... very nesty and such. I need to have a cozy home. This move will afford me and Grace a lot more space, as well as providing G with extra family support, as she thinks they are additional parents, anyway.

Our only regret is leaving our beloved East Lawrence Neighborhood, as we think it's way cooler than the west side. Tree lined streets, the Rose family farm across the street, the baby horsies, quick walk to downtown, lovely shady parks, historic houses, eccentric neighbors, *sigh*. Yeah... Gonna miss it. It will be a goal of mine to get back this way as soon as possible, either renting or owning. We are moving across town from Grace's Andy, and he will have to come visit her because she expects it and demands it.

I don't know where she gets these bossy tendencies. She's a Leo, just like her Aunt Meggity Meg who she shares a birthday with. I think it comes from that.

Anyhoo, the move. It's going to be challenging. I am doing it on a weekday because I need truck and this is the most impossible time to get one, and Grace will be at daycare. 2 major factors for success. The missing factor, however, is people. Everyone has these "jobs", & other people aren't as excited to take a vacation day to help me move as I am. . I am begging Scott to use a day as well. I have 2 other friends available that day. I think I may advertise on Larryville for help. I will use grocery money if necessary... The big furniture has me worried. Well, just the couch, refrigerator, and washer & dryer. And the monstrous television we inherited from G&G that weighs at least 746 pounds. Pre-flat screen. Awkward.

SO it will be interesting to negotiate boundaries as we will be living next door to each other, as well as depending on each other for various help. I am realizing now as Jamie's departure draws closer how much I rely on her for little breaks on more of a daily basis, and S&T only occasionally ask for help. Its going to be a change, that's for sure.

I hate change. Even as I write that I know that change is required on order to grow... Still not quite right with being uncomfortable. It's such a key thing...to be accepting of discomfort, as it is the hallmark of change/growth/bad toenails.

I expend way too much mental energy skirting around issues, attempting to make everyone else comfortable or happy. I know that I am often too direct...impulsive, no filters, etc. But on the flip side of that I cannot see the point of not being direct. I truly want to pull my hair out around people who fret & stew and harbor resentments. If I don't know what's wrong, I can't fix it.

And I have not yet reached the promised land...for me that would mean just being myself, trusting that if anyone wants something different they will tell me, and honoring my own sense of rightness and comfort by feeling okay saying "No" without guilt if that is what is necessary.

I have a friend that has told me "no" several times when I have asked her for something. I admire her ability to do this. She knows what works for her and what doesn't, takes responsibility for her own well-being and happiness, and is pleasantly honest regarding what you can expect from her. Because of this, I trust her implicitly. I don't hesitate to ask her for help because I trust that she'll be honest if she can't do it. I hope someday to be more like that.

I read a blog sometimes called The Happiness Project, Anyway, she has a rule called "Be___". In other words, determine what it is to "Be Kalli" and then make it so. I will think about my list of what that means & record it another time. For today I am happy to "be on the couch" , "be still" and savor the post-swimming-pool luxury extra-long nap on a Sunday afternoon.

I'll worry about everything else tomorrow.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Okay! Here we go!! (

Okay! Here we go!! (We really have to stop talking to the child like Victor Continental...and teaching her to "drink up" with her sippy cup of milk.) Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile