After the ominous news from Dr. S. that he was afraid of secondary infection in my dead pancreas (or the live 20%), as I like to think of it, I have actually had a remarkably strong Saturday and Sunday. I feel relatively good, esp. compared to the slow progress of recovery during the last week, and am able to take care of myself at home, at least.
The girls are happy that I am feeding them and letting them out myself, I think. However, they are pouting about the lack of chewy sticks in the house. I tried to give them sno-cones, but it didn’t hold the same excitement for them as for me. I really really love my new snow-cone maker. It’s amazing how little it takes to make me happy these days. For only $20 at Target, Rival has the most adorable little sno-cone maker that actually has sugar free syrups available, too! My blood sugar is staying okay, also.
I am finding that I can take one-two hour jaunts out of the house without getting too tired. Yesterday Lori took me to the Social Service League, and I saw an old acquaintance that asked if I was pregnant. Hee! I do look huge with all the bloating. I hope it goes down soon. It makes getting dressed a bit of a problem. So I bought a big stupid straw hat to protect myself from the sun and now I look like an old woman waddling around with my big belly and big hat. If I owned contact lenses right now, I’d buy myself an equally ridiculous pair of big-ass sunglasses to complete the look.
Today Lulu invited me to church, but I realized that I really just wanted to attend the lunch afterwards, and that’s just what I did. We met some friends on the porch of the Brewery for lunch and it was wonderful. I actually have regained some appetite, and it was good to be out and about, even for a while. Lori made dinner again tonight, (Cornish hen and saffron rice, yum!!) and brought it to me this evening since I was worn out from my trip downtown. I am feeling spoiled and lucky by everyone being so darn nice to me.
Tomorrow Scott is bringing me to his and T’s house to cook out for Memorial Day… I hope to get in their hot tub for a while, but will spend most of the time lounging, I’m sure. In the meanwhile, I am hoping that I don’t develop any weird infections or fevers… I feel way too good at this point for it to even seem remotely possible. I still have all my fingers and toes crossed, though.
. . . . Random thoughts about nothing in particular, executed with alternating fits of bitchiness and/or sentimentality.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Thursday, May 26, 2005
But wait, I'm ready to be good now!!
I got out of the hospital on Sat. May 21, and never expected to remain so dang weak. In times past, each day has brought more strength, less pain, better appetite, etc. Not so this time. Each day has been slooooowwww going. I still have to have someone here morning and evening to feed the dogs, and sometimes to force me to eat, also. It sucks. I don't have any appetite. However, as a new DIABETIC, (Yippee.) I am following a diabetic diet as well as I can, and my blood sugar numbers seem to be coming down with a nighttime injection of insulin. It is FUN to freak people out with that little stick in the tummy of insulin, btw.
I had an abominal CT scan yesterday, which apparently caused my Dr. S, the radiologist, and the Lawrence's premier surgeon to have some big pow wow this morning to discuss my case. They can't believe I am doing as "okay" as I am, considering what they found. It seems that my pancreas tissue started dying, and has been eating itself, and I now possess approximately 20% of a working pancreas. The rest is nechrotic tissue. Which means there is a high chance of pancreatic cystitis and subsequent surgury possibly next week. Apparently Lawrence's premier surgeon feels it's over his head, so he wants me to go to KU med to consult with a surgeon there to be prepared.
Apparently I am supposed to get prepared for the possibility that I'll start a big old fever and go downhill and have this nasty surgury. Okay, whether you pray or not, will you please pray that this does not happen to me?
I am ready to get better! I want to run and skip and hop in the fields. I never want to drink alcohol again. I went to an AA meeting last night and didn't explode. I have appointments set up with counselors and alcohol treatment and I'm getting a membership to a gym! I'm going to be skinny, and healthy, and tan, and may give up cussing. Oh, hell with that.
But really.... today's diagnosis is a bitch, and is compounded by the fact that they forgot to call in my pain meds and I will be out at about 3 AM.
Whine, whine.More scary shit from the Merck Manual.
Death after the first week is usually caused by pancreatic infection or pancreatic pseudocyst.
Pancreatic infection of devitalized retroperitoneal tissue is usually caused by gram-negative organisms. Infection should be suspected if the patient maintains a generally toxic appearance with elevated temperature and WBC count or if deterioration follows an initial period of stabilization. The diagnosis is supported by positive blood cultures and particularly by the presence of air bubbles in the retroperitoneum on abdominal CT. Percutaneous aspiration of pancreatic exudate guided by abdominal CT may reveal organisms on Gram stain or culture, which should lead to prompt surgical debridement. Mortality rate is usually 100% without extensive surgical debridement of infected retroperitoneal tissue.
A pancreatic pseudocyst is a collection of enzyme-rich pancreatic fluid and tissue debris arising within areas of necrosis or an obstructed smaller duct. It is not surrounded by a true capsule. Death is caused by secondary infection, hemorrhage, or rupture.
I had an abominal CT scan yesterday, which apparently caused my Dr. S, the radiologist, and the Lawrence's premier surgeon to have some big pow wow this morning to discuss my case. They can't believe I am doing as "okay" as I am, considering what they found. It seems that my pancreas tissue started dying, and has been eating itself, and I now possess approximately 20% of a working pancreas. The rest is nechrotic tissue. Which means there is a high chance of pancreatic cystitis and subsequent surgury possibly next week. Apparently Lawrence's premier surgeon feels it's over his head, so he wants me to go to KU med to consult with a surgeon there to be prepared.
Apparently I am supposed to get prepared for the possibility that I'll start a big old fever and go downhill and have this nasty surgury. Okay, whether you pray or not, will you please pray that this does not happen to me?
I am ready to get better! I want to run and skip and hop in the fields. I never want to drink alcohol again. I went to an AA meeting last night and didn't explode. I have appointments set up with counselors and alcohol treatment and I'm getting a membership to a gym! I'm going to be skinny, and healthy, and tan, and may give up cussing. Oh, hell with that.
But really.... today's diagnosis is a bitch, and is compounded by the fact that they forgot to call in my pain meds and I will be out at about 3 AM.
Whine, whine.More scary shit from the Merck Manual.
Death after the first week is usually caused by pancreatic infection or pancreatic pseudocyst.
Pancreatic infection of devitalized retroperitoneal tissue is usually caused by gram-negative organisms. Infection should be suspected if the patient maintains a generally toxic appearance with elevated temperature and WBC count or if deterioration follows an initial period of stabilization. The diagnosis is supported by positive blood cultures and particularly by the presence of air bubbles in the retroperitoneum on abdominal CT. Percutaneous aspiration of pancreatic exudate guided by abdominal CT may reveal organisms on Gram stain or culture, which should lead to prompt surgical debridement. Mortality rate is usually 100% without extensive surgical debridement of infected retroperitoneal tissue.
A pancreatic pseudocyst is a collection of enzyme-rich pancreatic fluid and tissue debris arising within areas of necrosis or an obstructed smaller duct. It is not surrounded by a true capsule. Death is caused by secondary infection, hemorrhage, or rupture.
A few of the things I am particularly grateful for...
Remember... I was on morphine, so I may have seen you and you weren't actually there, or you may have been there and I did not see you.
Becky… for leading the way and not freaking out too bad when she heard of my hospitalization from afar. She stayed with me for 24 hours feeding me, rubbing my feet, doing dishes, grocery shopping, talking talking talking.
Andy… stayed at my house, cleaned, took care of the girls, visited as much as he could bear it, and did whatever was asked.
Mom…drove all the way up at the drop of the mention of ICU, and even stayed Sunday night just because I wanted her to watch Desperate Housewives with me.
Scott…Spent hours at the hospital, dropped in constantly, never told me no when I asked for anything (except water) helped at the house, took care of business stuff, and still keeps showing up each day ready to take me back to his and T’s house to watch over me there if I need it.
Meggity Meg meg...for being around all the time despite her own stuff going on, for reminding me to shave my legs, offering to help with that and just about anything else after I've gotten out, listening to me whine, and living just down the street so she can attempt to drag me out when possible. And spending the night. And the dogs love her.
Lulu/Simon… entertaining visits and great encouragement.
Rikki… only Rikki can sum up an issue in that Rikki way and make it seem just perfectly doable. She rocks.
Heather Mac/Jill… Heather made multiple visits, but Jill was lucky enough to be there the day I made both of them poke my tummy cause it’s so damn hard!!! Heather has stalked me by phone even though I know she hasn’t been feeling great herself. It’s nice to know you’re thought of!
Stephen, Terri… for bringing me things to pretty up with (power puff toothpaste!) and just helping me to stay feeling sane.
Mike… visited when I was weary, talked for a bit, and then just stayed and prayed. And it was COOL.
Queens… tons of emails of encouragement from the queens was preceded by a hilarious and beautiful bouquet with a tiara stuck in it. Of course!!
Lydia and Alan… Lydia visited regularly, didn’t mind my repeated stupid questions, and took care of some major business stuff that saved my ass.
Barb/Angie/Beth… my co-workers who visited and have had to deal with my fall-out at work, I am intensely grateful that I work in such an environment.
Tom, Florence, Wendy, Kim, and probably many others who passed through while I was in a haze. It all meant a lot to me.
Becky… for leading the way and not freaking out too bad when she heard of my hospitalization from afar. She stayed with me for 24 hours feeding me, rubbing my feet, doing dishes, grocery shopping, talking talking talking.
Andy… stayed at my house, cleaned, took care of the girls, visited as much as he could bear it, and did whatever was asked.
Mom…drove all the way up at the drop of the mention of ICU, and even stayed Sunday night just because I wanted her to watch Desperate Housewives with me.
Scott…Spent hours at the hospital, dropped in constantly, never told me no when I asked for anything (except water) helped at the house, took care of business stuff, and still keeps showing up each day ready to take me back to his and T’s house to watch over me there if I need it.
Meggity Meg meg...for being around all the time despite her own stuff going on, for reminding me to shave my legs, offering to help with that and just about anything else after I've gotten out, listening to me whine, and living just down the street so she can attempt to drag me out when possible. And spending the night. And the dogs love her.
Lulu/Simon… entertaining visits and great encouragement.
Rikki… only Rikki can sum up an issue in that Rikki way and make it seem just perfectly doable. She rocks.
Heather Mac/Jill… Heather made multiple visits, but Jill was lucky enough to be there the day I made both of them poke my tummy cause it’s so damn hard!!! Heather has stalked me by phone even though I know she hasn’t been feeling great herself. It’s nice to know you’re thought of!
Stephen, Terri… for bringing me things to pretty up with (power puff toothpaste!) and just helping me to stay feeling sane.
Mike… visited when I was weary, talked for a bit, and then just stayed and prayed. And it was COOL.
Queens… tons of emails of encouragement from the queens was preceded by a hilarious and beautiful bouquet with a tiara stuck in it. Of course!!
Lydia and Alan… Lydia visited regularly, didn’t mind my repeated stupid questions, and took care of some major business stuff that saved my ass.
Barb/Angie/Beth… my co-workers who visited and have had to deal with my fall-out at work, I am intensely grateful that I work in such an environment.
Tom, Florence, Wendy, Kim, and probably many others who passed through while I was in a haze. It all meant a lot to me.
Good friends...
An excellent tale…
Tuesday, May 10
Kalli “I think I’ll try to plant those new flowers in my garden today. That will be my goal this evening.”
Meg (looking down) “Umm, maybe you should just shave your legs instead and let that be your goal.”
Thurday, May 12
Kalli “Meg, I need to go to the hospital.”
Meg. “Be right there. Aren’t you glad you shaved your legs?”
ICU....
A few things I’ve learned while in ICU…
The food sucks. Stick with fruit and sugar free hot cocoa.
It’s not appropriate even when on Morphine to introduce the young male nurse to my mom
“Mom, this is hot nurse.”
“Hot Nurse, this is Mom.”
Don’t forget to poop. Seriously, this is big.
It’s just as easy to be a nice pain in the ass patient as to just be a pain in the ass.
Nurses rock, again.
Wiping ass is a whole lot different on the receiving end, and I say this now with an entirely different perspective.
Mmm. Sponge bath.
It’s easier to watch storm clouds drifting by and wondering if a tornado will strike when you’re already here at the hospital in case of emergency.
Be sure you keep track of your house keys at all times, lest you return to find a bad combo of Tye Pennington and 75 of your closest friends screaming “Move that bus!”
The food sucks. Stick with fruit and sugar free hot cocoa.
It’s not appropriate even when on Morphine to introduce the young male nurse to my mom
“Mom, this is hot nurse.”
“Hot Nurse, this is Mom.”
Don’t forget to poop. Seriously, this is big.
It’s just as easy to be a nice pain in the ass patient as to just be a pain in the ass.
Nurses rock, again.
Wiping ass is a whole lot different on the receiving end, and I say this now with an entirely different perspective.
Mmm. Sponge bath.
It’s easier to watch storm clouds drifting by and wondering if a tornado will strike when you’re already here at the hospital in case of emergency.
Be sure you keep track of your house keys at all times, lest you return to find a bad combo of Tye Pennington and 75 of your closest friends screaming “Move that bus!”
Morphine
I have to say goodbye to my lovely morphine drip today. Bummer. It’s been a comfort the past few days, but Dr. S says he’s worried it’s making me too lazy to breathe, and he wants me off this oxygen. How can one be too lazy to breathe? Well, I can, that’s who. Sadly, it makes me want to smoke. Which I will refrain from, of course.
Some strange things I’ve mentioned—babbled---dreamed during my morphine ride:
Flibberty gibbets (kidneys) deeely ma joo hig (when I want something I can’t reach)
Puffalupugus (pancreas) thingy-bobber
Jimmy dean biscuits and gravy
Poop. (or lack thereof)
Miss my dogs miss my TIVO
If you’re going to get sick, do it in May. People bring you the most rockin’ peonies and iris.
My co-worker Rachael gave me an intense massage/counseling session for an hour and a half today in my hospital bed. She rocks.
Whenever I am on morphine, I hear music or things that aren’t there. In 2001 it was “Rockin’ Robin” and this year it’s “The Cramps”. Also, on the Daily show This Week in God … the beep beep beep beep boop boop boop…
I love sprite and iced tea. I can’t believe they fed me nothing but ice chips the first few days.
Nurses Rock!!
Some strange things I’ve mentioned—babbled---dreamed during my morphine ride:
Flibberty gibbets (kidneys) deeely ma joo hig (when I want something I can’t reach)
Puffalupugus (pancreas) thingy-bobber
Jimmy dean biscuits and gravy
Poop. (or lack thereof)
Miss my dogs miss my TIVO
If you’re going to get sick, do it in May. People bring you the most rockin’ peonies and iris.
My co-worker Rachael gave me an intense massage/counseling session for an hour and a half today in my hospital bed. She rocks.
Whenever I am on morphine, I hear music or things that aren’t there. In 2001 it was “Rockin’ Robin” and this year it’s “The Cramps”. Also, on the Daily show This Week in God … the beep beep beep beep boop boop boop…
I love sprite and iced tea. I can’t believe they fed me nothing but ice chips the first few days.
Nurses Rock!!
Puffalupagus
http://www.merck.com/mrkshared/mmanual/section3/chapter26/26b.jsp
For the 3rd time in 4 years, my puffalupugus has gone on strike, as well as several other unhappy organs. I was admitted to the ER on Thurday, May 12, and by Friday the 13th my flibbertigibbets had quit working, too, rendering it difficult to pee. They tell me my eyes were bulging from the excess/lack of calcium and my hands were cramping from the excess/lack of potassium. Ick. I was on a lot of morphine, so I wasn’t clear about a lot of what what going on. I just know that Friday the 13th isn’t a good day to go into the ICU… but hey, when is?
The first time this happened to me in 2001, I spent 3 weeks hospitalized and scared myself right back into a fresh pack of cigarettes, a life of lethargy, and eventually also a whole lotta wine. Last year it happened again, and I was relatively unfazed… I really tried hard not to let it interfere with my regular social life. This year, mmmm…not so much.
BIG wake up call. Strangely, I feel relieved and incredibly happy. I know there are changes coming that I can handle just fine, and I know that there are many other changes which I will instigate for myself. But I do have a much clearer picture of what I want my life to look like right now, and I think for the moment, that’s a really good start.
For the 3rd time in 4 years, my puffalupugus has gone on strike, as well as several other unhappy organs. I was admitted to the ER on Thurday, May 12, and by Friday the 13th my flibbertigibbets had quit working, too, rendering it difficult to pee. They tell me my eyes were bulging from the excess/lack of calcium and my hands were cramping from the excess/lack of potassium. Ick. I was on a lot of morphine, so I wasn’t clear about a lot of what what going on. I just know that Friday the 13th isn’t a good day to go into the ICU… but hey, when is?
The first time this happened to me in 2001, I spent 3 weeks hospitalized and scared myself right back into a fresh pack of cigarettes, a life of lethargy, and eventually also a whole lotta wine. Last year it happened again, and I was relatively unfazed… I really tried hard not to let it interfere with my regular social life. This year, mmmm…not so much.
BIG wake up call. Strangely, I feel relieved and incredibly happy. I know there are changes coming that I can handle just fine, and I know that there are many other changes which I will instigate for myself. But I do have a much clearer picture of what I want my life to look like right now, and I think for the moment, that’s a really good start.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
A very thin membrane held it together...
I'd just like it noted that I spent the first two minutes of my day today peeling (not one, but two) eggs that I really thought were hard boiled.
They weren't.
And I still cracked into the second one.
They weren't.
And I still cracked into the second one.
ABC's of URL's
These are my URL ABCs:
- A is for amazon.com - books, books, books!!!!
- B is for blogger.com
- C is for cafepress.com - looking for others' witticisms on wearable goods
- D is for davebarry.com - fine entertainment
- E is for elizabethklett.com - Another knitting blog, cause I'm crazy and stuff.
- F is for felicitypage.com - oh, I am so embarrassed.
- G is for google.com - uhhh.
- H is for healthy-heart-guide.com/fish-oil-benefits.html - Yummy!
- I is for independenceinc.org - Very cool organization for differently-abled people.
- J is for journal.bitchypoo.com - I read this every dang day.
- K is for kallipalooza.blogspot.com - Cause I like to look at it.
- L is for ljworld.com - gotta keep up with the local scene
- M is for marloscrochetcorner.com - With Mike Silverman .comcoming in 2nd
- N is for nytimes.com
- P is for papalname.wildjelly.com - Heee!!
- R is for runlulurun.blogspot.com - My super cool friend
- S is for sanrio.com/main/charactersection/images/kt/pattern1full.gif - Hello, Kitty!!
- T is for tscpl.org - Topeka Library rocks out...
- U is for unitedhealthcare.com - boring insurance crap
- V is for vituperation.com - Bitchypoo's husband... very snippy!
- W is for wantongypsy.blogspot.com - She's wanton, but fabulous
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